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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, I get a call from my mate, Sam. He’s like, “You won’t believe what happened!” Apparently, he was at the Flitwick train station, and someone mistook him for a celebrity. I’m like, “Dude, you’re not even famous!” But he’s loving it, soaking up the attention.

Is M1 shut?: Police close Bedfordshire motorway between Flitwick and Milton Keynes after multi-vehicle crash